Now that I'm out and away from home, studying and probably will be working and wont be back to my hometown, made me think of my mom and dad (*.*) ... yup, I miss them always, wanted to tell them I love them and they mean the world to me, wanted to say I'm sorry to them, for all the wrong things that I have done and made they angry but No.. I did not say anything.. (-.-) it just seems to be the hardest word to come out of my mouth (-.-) .. and no matter how hard I try to say it, it just wont come out.. and in our family we never apologize and never say we love who to each other... maybe that's the main reason.. we never say that word, n we were never teach to do so, so it's the hardest word to say...
but I now understand, and finally understand being parents it's hard work, No.. I'm not married, No I don't have kids... Then how would I understand?? (-.-) ... I just saw in her eyes, feels in my heart that she have age so much... n been thru so much.. It's like in a blink of an eye, she's 55years old... tho she's 55, she still works hard, n it breaks my heart to see her work so hard, I tell her to stop and rest n she look at me n say, I still have house to pay, kids to feed n your brother are in collage... so I tell her, you can move in with me when you old.. n she reply.. you don't have money... tell me to move only when you have money.... (*.*) I felt hurt but I understand her coz she work all her life trying to get all of us out of poverty... so I'm trying too, make her proud of me one day.. she never say nice things to me like, welcome n I love you and stuff to me before.. probably it's the hardest things for her to say too... and I'm trying to understand why.. and learn,,... and I have learn a lot from her, and understand why she always gets mad, stress...
I have learn never to look at things one sided coz you never know ,what's the other side is... there goes for good and bad guy/gal, you may know that guy or gal is a good person, but maybe behind your back she's/he's not... who knows, so try to always look things at a different angle.. no matter what the problem or things is...
if one day, if I ever get married.. I will love my family and break this hardest word cycle.. I will tell my kids how much I love them.... (+.+) .. coz how I have learn alot from analyzing my everyday working mom.. She's not normal to me, she the greatest to me.. tho there's still room for her to improved but she never listen,, but hey, everyone's not perfect and if you love that person you have to accept it if it's not a big problem.. like the part where I told her not to always buys what ever my younger brother ask her to buy for him... this will only spoil him but she never listen... coz she loves him n never say in word I guess.. so I guess, buying things is the only way of showing, she loves him...
Times never stop ticking and no matter how I wish if there's time machine.. yet, still history will never change... so I can't do anything about it, but the future can be change if I did something... so for now, whenever I have time, even if it's 2days or so, I will travel 4 to 5hours back to her, just to see her n tell her jokes n talk to her n make her happy.. tho she never realize that I love her so much, tho she never sees me in her heart n never trust me coz she only see my brother, tho I'm the least she care about in the family, tho no matter how hard I try to win her heart over from my brother but can't, tho I don't understand why she care so much about my brothers but me, tho I don't understand why my elder brother hate me so much even if I have always love all my family members but I don't care, coz I just wanna spend time with her my mom n made her happy coz she work so hard for the family... coz she's my mom... n I can never change the fact that I love her in my heart... n I can never change the fact that I love my family, n I will not sad coz in my life I'm the master controller of my life and I have choosent to live my life wonderfully and happy (^.^) n fun, n funny n recycle, damn... (+.+) so many things I wanna do... n become billionaire ... n recycle everything... hehe .. (^.^) kambateh....
but I now understand, and finally understand being parents it's hard work, No.. I'm not married, No I don't have kids... Then how would I understand?? (-.-) ... I just saw in her eyes, feels in my heart that she have age so much... n been thru so much.. It's like in a blink of an eye, she's 55years old... tho she's 55, she still works hard, n it breaks my heart to see her work so hard, I tell her to stop and rest n she look at me n say, I still have house to pay, kids to feed n your brother are in collage... so I tell her, you can move in with me when you old.. n she reply.. you don't have money... tell me to move only when you have money.... (*.*) I felt hurt but I understand her coz she work all her life trying to get all of us out of poverty... so I'm trying too, make her proud of me one day.. she never say nice things to me like, welcome n I love you and stuff to me before.. probably it's the hardest things for her to say too... and I'm trying to understand why.. and learn,,... and I have learn a lot from her, and understand why she always gets mad, stress...
I have learn never to look at things one sided coz you never know ,what's the other side is... there goes for good and bad guy/gal, you may know that guy or gal is a good person, but maybe behind your back she's/he's not... who knows, so try to always look things at a different angle.. no matter what the problem or things is...
if one day, if I ever get married.. I will love my family and break this hardest word cycle.. I will tell my kids how much I love them.... (+.+) .. coz how I have learn alot from analyzing my everyday working mom.. She's not normal to me, she the greatest to me.. tho there's still room for her to improved but she never listen,, but hey, everyone's not perfect and if you love that person you have to accept it if it's not a big problem.. like the part where I told her not to always buys what ever my younger brother ask her to buy for him... this will only spoil him but she never listen... coz she loves him n never say in word I guess.. so I guess, buying things is the only way of showing, she loves him...
Times never stop ticking and no matter how I wish if there's time machine.. yet, still history will never change... so I can't do anything about it, but the future can be change if I did something... so for now, whenever I have time, even if it's 2days or so, I will travel 4 to 5hours back to her, just to see her n tell her jokes n talk to her n make her happy.. tho she never realize that I love her so much, tho she never sees me in her heart n never trust me coz she only see my brother, tho I'm the least she care about in the family, tho no matter how hard I try to win her heart over from my brother but can't, tho I don't understand why she care so much about my brothers but me, tho I don't understand why my elder brother hate me so much even if I have always love all my family members but I don't care, coz I just wanna spend time with her my mom n made her happy coz she work so hard for the family... coz she's my mom... n I can never change the fact that I love her in my heart... n I can never change the fact that I love my family, n I will not sad coz in my life I'm the master controller of my life and I have choosent to live my life wonderfully and happy (^.^) n fun, n funny n recycle, damn... (+.+) so many things I wanna do... n become billionaire ... n recycle everything... hehe .. (^.^) kambateh....
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